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Every Little Spill

by Kascha

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1.
i'm gonna carve out a space for you and the hell you hold runnin straight away to the place no one goes and if it's any consolation, its just a void that you're tryin to fill but it doesn't work anymore walk right back to the place you hate the most and glare at those comfortable ones what's all that for? and maybe all that pain's just a fuckin bore i'm tired of sweating thru my life for just a little bit more and if it's any consolation i can see the constellation and every little point that kept you waiting everything that leads to your destinations can you leave it there, will you go further or? can you leave it where it belongs and find a new home? i'll be hiding behind it for you wherever you go.
2.
Sever 02:42
i wanna be severed from everything you were i wanna be cut clean from all those fucking words i wanna be free from all the loyalty not an actual home just a desperate need, uh huh and from the window you're waiting in the car and in the hotel i don't know who you are cuz i could tell you to leave but you're already gone and somethin slips out of me accident prone, uh huh cuz i could wait out the winter holding on to whatever specter i choose to dote on where you never belonged sick and sparse and wrong and when the walls close in where will you run? you're always bleeding in
3.
Hold 03:06
this winter feels like a joke a play on every hope i never wanted to let go and myself further than ever before i try to let go i wanna let go i wanna feel like you're on my side i wanna rewrite our time into something i can hide behind a veil of shame, i hold the reins and when i come back it's plain as day, distort the pain is there any other way? i hold, i hold / i know how this goes i hold, i know / i know how this goes (shed yr skin, dont let it in, and then yr back again) when i crawl out, and i patch my wounds up, i'll look it in the face, and love you all the same.
4.
Spill 02:12
i wake up and pick my clothes up off the floor think of anything to get myself out of the door and i sweat when i think of before take the day off and cave in a little more but as i walk down the street on the way to the store think of everything you and i had before the decay and the guilt the truth that hid in every little spill.
5.
New Shade 02:58
smoke in the sun rays lighting everything up wondering when all the pain's gonna stop another day of just willing the hours to pass and really how long can a good thing last? i can't believe i used to feel like this every day but i guess it's all different, it's just the same shit in a new shade drink in the day to day clouding everything up wondering when all the tension's gonna stop and you can lecture all you want but do you practice what you preach you know yr mask keeps coming off just the same old fuckin leech i can't believe i used to feel like this every day but i guess it's all different, it's just the same shit in a new shade walk the canyon hold the body that remains stand and say i'll never leave you in the grip of that pain let it finally fade away
6.
Lost Dogs 03:14
i ride around in the evenings looking for lost dogs if you've seen anything resembling us, would you give me a call? last seen somethin like last year somethin like im never here the smoke in the air makes the sunsets fantastic decorative postcard and i spend the day lettin go of the ghost of what u are where nothin's new and your self is a static picture of pain, so long to all the shit that never fails to tear me apart last seen somethin like last year somethin like im never here i am the cancer waitin on extraction for you to notice i never belonged here and when you get home can you take it off? can you live with yourself, imperfect and apart? and when you get home can you make it stop? can you shed the regret and live with what you got? i ride around in the evenings would you give me a call?
7.
Clean 03:14
i wanna go back to clean if im the only one it was just a dream and there's something blocking me if you keep it up then you'll see everything you'll be missing like it wasn't clear to me everything that i'll never be i walked back on the side of the road there was no one to call no where to go but to you so i found my favorite home the soft glow of a chemical pull to you i wanna go back to clean
8.
keep the window open i'm not in the mood tonight to shut out the light while it hides i think of you all the time where you might be at night i say it aloud sometimes "wherever you are, i hope you're alright" starin at a winter pool light and purple mountains, too high and i wonder what it must be like to feel so alive all the time a part of me i thought had died and a score kept all inside can you reckon with those years of life? or just cower until pain feels alright and if it never changes then, what's that mean for me? and if it's in my dreams then is that the reality? i'm barely anchoring myself to any kind of hope that i see
9.
i'm gonna break it down the most violent ways i wanna disgrace your name i wanna yell and insult and let it all out i probably won't i won't i'll ignore texts and old ideas and let it fizzle out over time might never tell you why do i owe it to tell you why? for the time, for the "gifts"? something faded, something obvious might never tell you why (i've been waiting for things to fall down white knuckle at every sound when i look back and yr still around you know, i was wrong) what you should already know.

credits

released July 24, 2021

all music things (and music stuff) by kascha

album art by mush rudnicki @skammunism
special thanks to dylan & jimi

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Kascha Las Vegas, Nevada

little songs i made in my room in the desert!!!

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